Promotions, Thoughts & ETC “Oh no, not again!” One Man’s Quest to Loathe Everything

In my disguise like a professional self-employed writer who is, at the moment, producing his first full-length book (cheap plug!), I requested of my favourite client we branch out a bit from tech news/reviews and into more media, arts and entertainment areas. He was obliging and gracious enough to offer the madcap idea a go and I set about cobbling together some film and music reviews.

This was when it hit me; I’ve no idea what is hot, who’s doing it, or why I should care!

A decade ago, when I used to be a film undergraduate, I could have advised you who the cinematographer was on even various obscure, little-seen indie flick. Heck, I can probably have taken a guess as to who delivered him his morning coffee during the shoot, but today I am afraid I’ve no idea at all.

It is not totally my blunder. Having graduated from University 3 years ago and moved out of my parent’s residence one year afterward, my long-suffering girlfriend and I haven’t exactly been rolling in money. I selected what I could by doing extra writing (and occasionally cleaning homes) and shopped a children’s book around the publishers (with less than even a polite whiff of attention, it must be said). She eventually landed a pretty good job and simultaneously my fortunes improved somewhat, but modern culture passed us by while we were busy doing our weekly shopping using a calculator and developing yet another hundred and 50 uses for tinned meat.

Its hilarious, I always wondered why my Dad’s record set completely ceases to increase further sometime inside the late 1970’s and doesn’t pick up again until a small set of (franky terrible) ‘Trashed/Mashed/Bashed/Crashed (delete as applicable) in Ibiza’ CDs in the 90’s. Well, now I know. This is the gap within the fossil record of pop culture; it is, essentially, a record of the cash-induced cultural extinction occasion that took place at more-or-less exactly the same time he moved out with my Mum.

So, with that at heart, I made a decision to take a look at what was around in the mean time by viewing what was trending on Amazon, in the hopes that there may be something I could talk about with some conviction.

Now, I do not want this post to read like an addendum to ‘is it just me or is everything shit?’ crossed with an episode of ‘Grumpy Old Men’ (even through I do know full-well that its likely to), but there isn’t a lot of stuff that I can even connect to, much less get excited about.

For me, it is a case of ‘seen it’ approximately every time. Sure, the movies might have only been released last week, but I read the novel that empowered the screenplay when I was at Uni, or I saw the little known French movie it had been according to whilst studying at college.

Oh, this band are a little like an updated version of (evoke holy name of the divine 70’s punk/New Wave act here), apart from that they lack the creation, the innovation and the talent that made the originals great. In any other occasion, I would have dreams and opinions to express about the pop music of these days, but now I can’t even name the celebrities in order to slag them off.

‘If you like that, you’ll love this!’ No, I won’t Amazon. And do not think I don’t see what you’re attempting to do, you sneaky bastards…

Oh, this Television show is about a teenage vampire, well, that is novel, especially considering that it was not even original when ‘Twilight’ did it (Sheesh, it was not even unique when ‘Buffy’ was doing it).

Oh, this bestselling book series is fanfic determined by that other book? What? I’m sorry, WHAT!?

…Since when was ‘find/replace’ a lucrative idea?

(Sigh) Since now, I suppose.

If there is a time to all this bitter and twisted ranting (and keep in mind, I said ‘if), it’s that I’m getting old and that’s less costly than counseling. If there’s another, perhaps more outstanding point, its that you must most likely scrape together a lttle bit of cash, go check out Amazon’s latest hit lists and purchase something, if scarcely to hold from ending up like me. Here, I’ll even link it for you.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Future-Releases-DVD-Blu-ray/b/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=19450&linkCode=ur2&node=573412&tag=ottoear-21

So, in the future, if my very own (hypothetical) lad or daughter flicks through my CDs/DVDs and asks why the latest albums are (shamefully) ‘Noctourniquet’ by The Mars Volta (2012) ‘Brothers’ by The Black Keys (2010), ‘Only Revolutions’ by Biffy Clyro (2009), & Q-Tip’s ‘The Renaissance’ (2008), I’ll just smile and say “you will see” and leave it at that.

You’ll see. Just see if you don’t.

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